That necessary End-of-the-World post

I sit here on my desk today, and I think I should have something to write at least today! I mean its the 20^th of December of 2012 (which in itself is a nice date – 2012 2012) but its thunder is stolen completely for tomorrow is the 21^st of December, 2012. The end of the world according to a lot of speculated events particularly the end of the Mayan calendar (or so they say).

Now all of us with an IQ more than Britney Spears would not actually believe in the Doomsday (I am hoping) but the idea of one is amusing.  People all over the world will obviously go crazy tonight partying, making resolutions, praying maybe. I like always have no such plans and will probably fall asleep on the couch in front of the tv.

I visualize the possible scenarios for the apocalypse most of them from all the movies i have seen in that genre, and like anyone I plan my strategy for the end. Now this isn’t lame. We all do it. Every time I am bored on a bus or in a bank I imagine how I would save the day if the person who just walked in was a robber or a terrorist. Its fun stuff. Back to what I would do if he world was ending around me is that I would not be generous.  I mean I don’t understand how one would turn to their humanitarian side like they show in the movies. Desperate times desperate measures! I would save me my parents my close friends. If had a Noah’s ark sort of a thing I sure as hell wouldn’t have opened it up for everyone before I let my near and dear ones in. I now wish I had an emergency evacuation bag prepared like Dr. Sheldon Cooper just in case.

The phenomenon of the doomsday also gets me thinking about my life. When I say “my life” it sounds heavy and maybe you will anticipate me telling you an engaging story about  my rich experiences. But unfortunately these 19 years of existence have been nothing but ordinary. I find it disappointing that I have very less incidences that would make a nice rich collage of my life till now. I now feel bad about the repeated failure in maintaining a diary.

One of the most annoying thoughts people associate with the doomsday is all the things they would have done or how they haven’t done them. Now I don’t think there’s anything that I would change about my life when I look back. Like I said, it was ordinary but it was something I am still grateful for. But this listing stuff you want to do like resolutions if you survive, just doesn’t work with me. I don’t really find anything I would want to do on my last day on this planet because none of the stuff on my to-do list can be done in a day. Maybe that’s the thing I should be sad about! How I didn’t start it yet. But I am not. So the only resolution I think I need to make is that if I survive I need to find some things, some passions, some goals, some destinations, to put on that what-would-I-do-on-my-last-day list or things-I-would-do-if-I-survived list for the next speculated doomsday.  Overall,  I feel good that I have no regrets but feel disappointed that I don’t have any stuff on the aforementioned to-do list.

I still sit here wondering why we are obsessed with the end of the world phenomenon. To think, it gets us to analyse our lives, regret mistakes we did or didn’t make, make resolutions for the future etc. If all of us did that and stuck to it, the world would be much better starting 22^nd December 2012. But we don’t. We will go back to the same lives and the world will be the same old messed up place with hunger, poverty,  crime and terrorism. It is obvious I am not an optimist when I make the statements I just did, but this time I would love to be proven wrong. I just don’t want the new beginning on the other side to be the same old January 1^st with hangovers, resolutions and the same old hoarde of survival messages and emails.

So there it is. In the new beginning after this end, I think I will start preparing that list of mine and try to be more grateful to whatever force it is – God, nature, destiny that has kept me alive to be what I am.

On a lighter note, I think I should start writing stuff in a diary after all! So that by the next end of the world day I have a proof of how awesome my life has been and I don’t have to wonder how it went by, assuming it was ordinary and boring!

Handling your Boredom

It’s that time of the year again. The time all of us are always wishing for and waiting for eagerly. But more often than not, we do build it up so much in our minds that we forget, like every year this is not different. The big summer vacations. 2 months of happy time. There are so many things we want to do and catch up on! Or so we think. I don’t know about everyone, but most of the things I want to do are done in that 1^st week where its that holiday adrenaline driving us to do all the stuff we missed out on. Meet up friends, watch the latest movies, finish up the books on the shelf, plan little picnics (yeah, plan is the right word, the execution of those plans is a different issue.. the planning always seems to be much more exciting than the execution…)

The point is, by the end of the first month I am usually out of things to do. I mean yes, I had my long-term-5-point-agenda:

1. Learn to drive.

2. Learn to cook (at least the basics)

3. Do some academic course.

4. Get some exercise and gyming done.

5. Finally, get something more written.

I am trying to do all of the things. The driving part’s hit a minor speed bump (literally. I just added a new bump to the car).. I am learning the cooking and a new computer language etc. But the thing I thought would be the easiest didn’t come to me so easily! The writing!

Usually I write about things that happen to me. Things that strike me different in this normal/sometimes-dull life of mine. But like I said, the vacations so far haven’t been great. I haven’t gone anywhere thanks to my Java classes. I am pretty much stuck at home. So I’ve hit a block. At least that’s what I thought. I desperately want to get something pinned down. So I look around constantly to get a topic I can write about.

And you know what I realized? Though none of the things I observed and thought about were substantial to make a new entry here, but they did make something special in my mind.

When we want an inspiration for something, we tend to observe and appreciate the little things more than we ever did! My days would be so much duller if it weren’t for my mind constantly narrating the situation on my head with its notes and comments in the background. I realized I don’t need the headphones and the music anymore when I am riding on my moped. (Who, by the way I have named Lolitta. Yeah I use a lot of personification in my head, I talk to my gadgets all the time. If you are curious, I named her Lolitta because she is red hot and a little plump and that seemed a name to go with. Please don’t think I am crazy. Yet.) I don’t need any form of entertainment on that ride anymore because every time I think of something new I am going to ‘note’ down in my head. Its fun to figure out the life-stories and personalities  of people in a glance. Develops your body-language, lip-reading and mind-reading skills..

Even the visit to the banks, which according to me is one of the most boring times, is much more interesting. Besides thinking of my strategy to survive the imaginary bank robbery scenario, it’s really interesting to look at the old couples at these banks. Since internet banking has made lives so much easier the average age of customer inside an actual bank is above 50 I think. I saw this one couple, really old with their grandkids. The kids were teaching them rock-paper-scissors. So adorable! My hour waiting at the counter just whizzed by..

Another part of the day that used to be super-dull but is not so bad right now is my daily walk to the Java coaching classes. I see 3 different generations passing their lazy afternoons in their own styles. The little kids playing, it always takes me back to all the games we played when we little. They just don’t make sense now! The Marathi names of those games still make me laugh really hard… Can’t explain that in any other language! Then there are teenage girls gossiping talking about shoes, hair, boys and everything that annoys and amazes me at the same time. They just love to update me on that gossip which I don’t really mind. But I have to put on a good poker face when I am laughing hard in my head at their stupidity. Then there’s this small shed-like place where a bunch of old people hang out. They do yoga, play cards, carom and what-not. Looking at the energy they have for their life at 60 I quickly snap out of the laziness and prepare myself for the bright new day.

The chain of thoughts is amazing. A simple sunset from my window makes me rethink about my life and goals. The pre-monsoon showers we are now having get me in a very happy and romantic mood. They say an idle mind is a devils workshop. But the truth is you ca channel your thoughts to educate and entertain you at the same time. The train of thought can always be guided to a wonderful destination. Isn’t that what meditation is?

I never could meditate. Not the way the yoga teacher taught us. Always fell asleep. But this, trying to pass time looking around registering and noting the things we see should also count as meditation. It gets me to a happy place.

If you did read all of this, you must have realized that I drifted off quite a bit here too. But that’s my point. I did not have anything to write about and now I just wrote down a long piece about absolutely nothing in particular.

We can entertain ourselves much better if we just let go of the mind and think about nothing in particular and everything at the same time. It’s a good pastime, a good distraction. Got me through some boring days as well as some sad days. And now got me to finally write about something too!

                      

My First Encounter with Death

I have wanted to write this piece. It has taken me 3 months to finally get to write it. Every time I thought of writing about this, I shrugged it off saying it was too heavy for me to blog about this.

I lost my grandfather in October. It was sudden, it was uncalled for and it was quick. Nobody had time to assimilate it. Specially me. It happened at my uncle’s place in Hubli. And I thank my stars for that because I have no idea how I would have reacted to that situation. It was my first encounter with death. And it was…… WEIRD.

Weird sounds rather inappropriate I know, but that is exactly how I felt at the funeral. I was not present for the cremation so when I got there I was lost in this sea of relatives sobbing and reminiscing about Ajoba (that’s what we call grandfather in marathi). I was not crying yet.

It is funny how when you are gone, people only talk about your good side. Don’t get me wrong, I love(d) my grandfather but he was not as perfect as he was described at the funeral. That was because the people closest to him were silent and it was the guests who did the talking. If  there is a time when awkward silences are the worst, it is at a funeral. So it was better to let the guests talk.

I am an atheist. I question all possible rituals of my religion. But it was here that I realized how important they were. For the first time, these rituals made sense to me. They were designed so perfectly for the family to cope with the death of a loved one. To get some closure. It was at one such ritual when I saw my father, the most prominent and strong male figure in my life, cry like a baby, that I found myself tearing up for the first time. My mother sobbing herself was somewhat glad to see me like this. She considers me to be an emotional wreck because I don’t cry every now and then; which thanks to the stereotyped females of the TV and movies, girls should do. (Moms!)

Back to the point, I found myself connecting to the rituals and my religion in a new way. As far as dealing with the death was concerned I was still not there yet. Who would be? If you were surrounded by all your relatives and cousins making it look like a wedding house instead. My mom wanted me to comfort Ajji (grandmother). Again, awkward! What could I possibly say in this scenario… I found myself tearing up again… It’s funny once you start its hard to stop.

And before I knew it, I was back home. Now I feel it. The emptiness. The weirdness. Every time when we have a family dinner and Ajoba’s chair is not taken. When I realize I am watching the TV at 7pm without fighting with Ajoba for the remote as he wanted to watch the news. When I walk around the house without the sound of his radio playing natya-sangeet or the AIR news in the background. When I realize there is nobody to constantly scold me for spilling my food or raising the TV volume in the afternoons. When I change the batteries on the wall clock remembering the last time I did it with him holding the chair down as I stood on it. When I look through his stuff with my dad. When we have to give away his stuff…..

The memories flood on. I don’t cry anymore. I just smile. I finally understand why at the funeral it was only the good stuff they talked about. Because that is the only part you remember about the person. I can finally understand that it is not so cheesy or clichéd when they say, “It is only your good deeds that are remembered.”